Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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