that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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