WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
