my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
