you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
