You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
