the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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