If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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