Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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