I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
