what day is it and did you see me today?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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