god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
