haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
