Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
