I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
