she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is the high leading the old right now
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
