Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
