I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
