Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
