If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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