I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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