dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
