She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
