Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
