I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
