i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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