she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
