apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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