Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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