Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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