I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
