you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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