i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
