just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
