I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
