the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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