Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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