okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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