My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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