if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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