Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will pee on everything he values.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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