I think I won the penis lottery.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
