He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
