well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
