So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
