you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
