I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
