I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
