is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
