I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
