Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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