I wanna passion pit in your ass
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
