I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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