I can text with my tongue
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
