I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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