yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
