been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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