How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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