I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
