I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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