If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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