false alarm. still invincible.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize