my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
