peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
