brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think people are normalizing furries
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
